but I thought [remy]

Hadley was currently chatting with Alicia during some downtime that they both had. She was trying to convince him to let her teach him how to cook, while he argued that he had no reason to (re-)learn how to cook since he had clio to do that for him.

"One of these days your kitchen staff is gonna stage a mass walkout, and you're gonna wish you'd let me teach you how to cook," she warned him.

"Eh, they're all pretty replaceable," Hadley replied. Except for Paul the coffee guy. Since Paul had quit, Hadley just hadn't been able to find someone as good at making coffee as him. Tragic. "You and Remy would warn me if the staff was planning something like that." Then again he wasn't sure the lesser staff were as friendly with Remy as they used to be. Something about her sleeping with the boss and being treated a hundred times better seemed to rub them the wrong way. Oh well.

"Where is Remy, anyways?" Alicia asked. Although Hadley knew that Remy couldn't stand Alicia, Alicia was blissfully oblivious and seemed to think they were good friends or something. "I haven't seen her all day."

"She had a thing," Hadley replied, sure that Remy would not want him broadcasting where she really was around the estate. Where she really was being a clinic to get rid of that pesky surprise baby they weren't having.

As if on cue he heard the front door open and Doorman greeting Remy. That had been awfully quick, he thought.

Remy had had an entire balloon ride to think about what she was going to tell Hadley and yet when she walked in the door it was as if she hadn't given it any thought at all. She was still at a loss.

How about "Surprise! You're gonna be a dad!" Vex offered silently as Remy pulled off her winter coat and stored it in the coat closet. Although Felidad, the new doorman, would have been happy to do it for her, she'd felt weird about letting him.

when Remy ignored him Vex shrugged. The bluntness worked last time.

That's what made the whole thing so awful. It had been so easy for she and Hadley to decide on abortion. It had felt like the opposite of a decision really. Once he'd brought it up it just made total sense, like there wasn't even a decision to be made. And now here she was getting all emotional and attached to something that was sucking life out of her from the inside out. Something they'd already agreed on getting rid of.

She'd made it to the clinic just fine, but as she was sitting in the waiting room she'd let her mind wander. What if her mother had made the same decision? she'd thought over and over. And her mother had certainly had a good excuse. Pregnant, no family, a teenager, poor as anything. At least Remy had resources. A partner. She was young, but not obnoxiously so. The only true reason she had to even be at this office was because she was selfish.

In the end she'd realized she couldn't do it. Maybe it was the hormones making her soft, but she just couldn't go through with it. She'd apologized to the doctors and then left, her mind in a blur.

She walked into the living room where Hadley and Alicia sat. She bristled instantly, feeling annoyed that she had been out taking care of serious business while he was here getting all friendly with that cow.

"Alicia," she said politely, nodding at her co-adviser in greeting. "Hadley, could I have a word with you in the bedroom?"

"Hey Remy!" Alicia greeted cheerfully, only to get a chilly acknowledgement of "Alicia" in return. Hadley was almost going to laugh, when Remy asked to talk to him alone in the bedroom. For some reason the first place his mind went was something went wrong, despite it being perfectly likely that Remy just wanted to tell him that all had gone well and they didn't have to worry anymore.

At times, there was nothing more frustrating than not being able to see someone's facial expression. If he could just see the look on her face he would at least be able to get some idea as to whether or not he was right to be worried.

She's not smiling, Nila told him unhelpfully.

Frowning slightly, he got up and went with Remy into the bedroom. Once he heard her shut the door behind them, he said, "So, everything go okay?"

Remy felt bad giving Hadley another awful surprise, especially only a few days from the first, but it was now or never. She'd made her decision, and Hadley had to know.

"I couldn't do it," she said simply, watching his face even though she wanted to look away. She knew this wasn't what he wanted. He'd been so relieved when she told him he wanted an abortion and now here she was blowing up their perfect solution into tiny little pieces.

The worst part was that it wasn't like she was attached to the thing growing inside her. She just couldnt do it. She couldn't explain it, and she braced herself for when he asked her to.

"You couldn't?" Hadley repeated dumbly, raising his eyebrows. Ah, fuck. Fuuuuck. She was still pregnant. She was going to stay pregnant until she had the baby. Their baby. His baby. They were going to have a baby. Two hours ago they weren't, and now they were. "But...I thought...you seemed so sure about it. I mean..."

He found the bed and sat down heavily, just as he had done when she first told him she was pregnant. That conversation had ended so well, he'd thought. "Remy, this is a big fucking deal," he said, as if she didn't already know. Of course she knew. But she apparently wanted to go through with it anyways.

"I know!" Remy exclaimed, watching him go into panic mode. Way more panicked than he had been a few days ago when she'd told him about the pregnancy for the first time. "I know it's a big deal, and trust me, I really thought that we had made the right decision, but then I got there, and I had time to sit and think and then I..." she trailed off. And then what? She still couldn't pinpoint what had made her change her mind. It wasn't as if she had any feelings for the fetus. In fact, she was slightly afraid that she never would have any feelings for it. How could she explain to Hadley that she just couldn't do it?

She didn't want him to be upset, but she couldn't blame him. This had never been the plan. And up until a few minutes ago, Hadley thought they'd dodged the curveball they'd been thrown. Now it was like it had looped up and hit him right in the side of the head.

What was the appropriate thing to say? I'm sorry? Remy didn't know. How was this going to affect their relationship? How would this affect them as clio? Remy didn't have any of the answers, and it made her tummy feel tight.

Hadley took a deep breath. Freaking out wasn't going to help either one of them, or the situation. "Okay...okay," he said slowly. If Remy had made up her mind he wasn't going to try to pressure her one way or the other. When she first told him she was pregnant, he told himself he'd go with what she wanted, happy to leave the decision to her. Well now she'd made a new decision, and he would go with her on this one, too.

He had to be honest with her, though. "I don't know how good of a parent I'll be," he said. "But if you're really sure you want to do this...you are sure, right? You really wanna raise a little me?"

A little him. He wasn't sure Amelia was ready for such a thing. He sure as hell wasn't.

"I'm not sure about anything," she told him, wanting to be honest as well. "I just know I can't go through with what we discussed. I made it all the way there and then I just couldn't."

Remy was having many of the same thoughts Hadley was having. The world could barely put up with one Hadley--what was it going to do with another? "Maybe it'll end up more like me," Remy said, trying to lighten the mood. "Not sure that's any better, but at least it'll be better looking."

Hadley started to laugh, but then stopped when he was suddenly smacked with an unexpectedly painful realization. I'm never gonna know what this kid looks like. He didn't know why it stung the way it did. It shouldn't, he wasn't even attached to the stupid thing yet. But it still stung all the same.

He cleared his throat to recover and forced a smile. "Ha...we can only hope, right?" he said. "A little Remy. Or maybe it'll just be the worst of both of us."

Hadley started to laugh and then let out a sound like he was choking. Remy's eyes narrowed, but Hadley finished with a smile.

"The worst of both of us?" Remy contemplated. What would that look like? It was just extremely hard to imagine a child that was made up of the two of them. "We're going to have to hire a completely new staff board," she joked. She could just imagine baby Hamy running around terrorizing everyone that worked in the estate. But they'd do it in style. A terror in a dress.

Remy either didn't notice or chose to ignore Hadley's sudden reaction to her "better looking" comment. Either way he was grateful. That was not a conversation he wanted to have.

"I'll have Sol come by more often, she's a good role model," he said half-jokingly. He couldn't even imagine how Sol was going to react to this. With horror, probably. At the very least he was sure to get an honest rundown from her about how crazy and probably not a good idea this was. He could always trust Sol to be brutally honest with him. "Aunt Solange, the one good influence."

Remy was about to say something about "Uncle Lysander" but then didn't. He'd actually probably fit under the "bad influence" category anyway.

"Oh my gods," she said suddenly, "Hadley I'm going to be a mother. You're going to be a father." That's what this entire conversation had been about, of course, but it was just now hitting her after thinking of her brother as "Uncle Lysander".

"Someone is going to call you Dad." Someone was going to call her Mom. It was enough to make her sick.

"Oh gods, don't say that," Hadley said with an exaggerated cringe. "That sounds awful. Don't remind me of that so that I don't have to think about it until the baby learns how to talk." Ugh. Dad. It sounded so wrong.

He flopped down backwards onto the bed. "Come lay down with me," he said, holding up his hand so that she would presumably take it when she laid down next to him. At least they had the next couple months to relax before their worlds were turned upside down.

Remy was happy to push that thought aside, though she knew it would haunt her for months to come. She crawled onto the bed next to Hadley and did indeed take his hand.

"Thank you for being here," she told him as she stared up at their ceiling. Even though she'd been nervous about him being upset, never once had she doubted that he would support her in whatever she chose. It was such a nice feeling to not need to worry about that particular aspect of this pregnancy. She knew Hadley would be here, even if the going got rough. It always made her feel special when she thought about how much he cared about her.

Hadley squeezed her hand and gave a small smile. "Hey, what am I gonna do, kick you out?" he asked lightly. Sure he was an asshole, but he wasn't that much of an asshole. Of course he would be here for her.

They just laid there quietly for a while. Hadley stared up at the ceiling, not actually seeing it of course, trying not to think of the billion ways his life was going to change in the coming months. Trying not to think of the baby he'd have to raise but never actually get to see. He sighed and pulled Remy a little closer, glad that if he was going to have to do this, at least he was doing it with her.