all my fault [ari]

Joel had rushed home to Adhbhar the moment he found out Ari was back. For the last several days she had been staying at the hospital where her brother Kavi was hanging on within an inch of his life. He knew nothing about the situation beyond that, but he had a sick feeling in his stomach that this had something to do with the activities going on in Deilig.

Ari being back meant one of two things. Either Kavi had stabilized enough that she would feel okay leaving him alone, or he...or he hadn't made it. The thought of Kavi being dead made his heart feel sick along with his stomach. Kavi was a good clio, a great brother to Ari, and she loved him so much. He had to have made it. Even though he knew deep down that bad things happened to good clio all the time, he just couldn't fathom that something so horrible could happen to such a great family.

"Ari?" he called as he rushed into the mansion. He looked all over, in all her usual places, until he finally found her out on the back deck. "Ari?"

She didn't turn around. She didn't even move. Oh no. No no no no no...

After Kole had left, Arizona felt utterly numb. She had been standing on her deck for at least an hour, just staring off into the darkness where Kole had disappeared in. For a while, so many thoughts had been rushing through her head. So many thoughts that made her entire body ache. Hamilton tried to distract her, but there was only so much her little daemon could do before his mind became a hazy cloud of thoughts too.

Joel wrote:Ari?

Finally Arizona snapped out of her trance. Only his voice could have pulled her out of the darkness, but a flurry of emotions hit her at once. Love, anger, sadness, anxiousness, fear. She couldn't face him, not yet.

"Joel..." she breathed. "I..." She didn't know what to say.

Joel knew. He knew immediately that the news wasn't good. "Ari," he breathed. It came out strangled, as if he had just been punched in the throat. Kavi was dead. "I'm so sorry...I don't know what to say." He stepped forward and moved to put his arms around her, to comfort her. Why did this have to happen? This wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

As soon as Arizona felt his arms wrap around her, she stiffened. Tears started falling down her cheeks all over again. She was surprised that she had any left. She tried to find the right words to say, but all she was able to say in a low voice was, "Adhbhar is doomed."

Joel felt Ari stiffen in his arms. He was about to ask her what she needed, what he could do for her (if anything), when she cut in and told him Adhbhar was doomed. That caught him off guard. "What? What are you talking about?" he asked. He hadn't thought it was possible, but the sick feeling he had seemed to get even worse. He let her go and looked her in the eye. She was crying, understandably, and it was clear it wasn't the first time today. "Arizona, what happened?"

Arizona could no longer look at the love of her life. She hated that he was seeing her at such a weakened state. She felt so ashamed, ashamed of her tears, of her emotionals, but mostly ashamed for letting her brother and her entire Eilemaiden down. All of the clio that she swore to protect with her whole being was in danger.

"Kole," was all she could gasp.

Her chest hurt, she felt like she couldn't breathe. She started to hyperventilate.

For a second Joel couldn't breathe.

Kole.

The man Joel had worked for and then betrayed. The man his father practically worshiped. The man who had sent stupid young men like Joel out to spy on the other Eilemaiden in order to...to...

To plan this?

You didn't know he was going to do this, Joel, Amp told him, surprisingly calmly considering how Joel felt. You couldn't have known. You couldn't have stopped it.

No...he should have known. He had worked for Kole. He had known he was planning something involving the other Eilemaiden. He should have dug deeper, should have gotten information for Ari instead of just keeping his head down and pretending to still be loyal. He should have seen this was coming, and stopped it. Saved Kavi, saved Ari, saved Adhbhar. Instead he'd done nothing.

He didn't know how to comfort Ari (how do you comfort someone whose brother was murdered by your former boss?), so he just blurted out exactly what was going through his mind. "It's my fault," he said brokenly. "I should have done something."

Joel wrote:"It's my fault," he said brokenly. "I should have done something."

"No, no, no, no," Arizona whimpered. How could he say such a thing? Somewhere deep down she knew the truth, that it wasn't his fault. He was just doing this to protect himself, and she even told him to continue feeding Kole information, albeit fake information. But Arizona was feeling irrational and on edge, and she needed somebody or something to blame.

"You should have never come here," she mumbled, unable to make eye contact. "You should have found somebody else to spy on."

She balled her hands into fists, her knuckles turning white, her fingernails digging into the skin of her palms.

"My brother is dead, Joel!" She wailed. "And now I've lost my Eilemaiden to a psychopath!"

Ari pressed one fist hard to her forehead and let out an inclio sound that was a mixture of an angry scream and a pathetic sob.

Joel accepted the blame, but he was still taken aback by Ari's words, and especially by her horrible pained scream. She was right though. She had lost everything, and what had he done to prevent it? Why had he ever come to Adhbhar? How could he have ever thought it was okay to work for a man like Kole?

Your father- Amp started, but Joel cut her off.

No. It doesn't matter what he told me. I made a choice, he thought, refusing to deflect the blame. He forced himself to look Ari in the eyes. Her grieving, blaming, bloodshot eyes. He had helped cause her this pain. And now...now...

He couldn't bring Kavi back. But maybe he could do something else.

"I'll go to Deilig," he blurted out, his mind racing wildly. "To his mansion. I'll break in. I know the layout. I'll get the star piece back, I'll..."

You're being completely irrational, Joel! Amp said, but Joel ignored her.

"Don't bother," Arizona spat. "Don't you think you've helped enough?"

She knew this was wrong. She needed Joel to be by her side, to help her get through this, but she was angry and afraid and irrational.

"I should have had you arrested as soon as I found out you were a spy," she said through her teeth. She didn't understand why she was going out of her way to hurt Joel, but now she couldn't stop. "Do you really love me, Joel?! Or were you just using me this whole time?!"

Arizona backed away from him, afraid that he might try to touch her. If he tried to touch her, she wasn't sure what she might do. "Going home to your precious Overloridian, and laughing at how stupid and naive the alcoholic Overloridian of Adhbhar was!"

"Ari," Joel said in a strangled sort of voice. "Of course I really love you. I swear I do."

But why should his word mean anything to her?

He started to reach out for her, but she backed away, looking like she might legitimately attack him if he so much as touched her. All he wanted to do was hug her, hold her, tell her everything would be alright. But that was ridiculous. Everything wouldn't be alright.

"I'll leave," he said quietly. "If that's what you want, it's what I'll do. But I want you to know, I'm going to try to get the star piece back." Maybe his plan really was insane, like Amp was telling him in his head over and over. Maybe he would just get killed. But at least he'd die trying to do the right thing. It would be better than living as a coward who just sat by and let Kole destroy the life of the girl he loved. He turned to leave.

"Fine then," Arizona shrieked. "Just fucking leave then!" She watched him walk away and started using her Eilemaiden to fling little bits of dirt at him. "Run back to your fucking Overloridian!"

She continued to fling dirt and small rocks in his direction, until she felt utterly exhausted and sunk to the cold, damp wood of her deck.

Well Ari, you got what you want! She thought to herself.

Why did she feel so lonely though? This isn't what she wanted. "Joel!" She squeaked, her voice just barely a whisper. But he was already long gone, to far gone to even hear her. She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes and began to sob uncontrollably.

What were they going to do?

END