you're my best friend :: aran

"Yeah," Aran replied, nodding even though Amerie couldn't see her from her position. "What would you do if, uh, someone liked you. Like a crush or somethin'. An' they told you, but you didn't feel the same way. Would you still, um, wanna be around that clio? Or would it be too weird?"

Real subtle, Gamma said sarcastically. Aran just dunked her underwater for a second.

"Does somebody like you?" Amerie asked excitedly, flipping so that she was swimming normally now and could see Aran's face. How exciting!

"Who is it??" Amerie thought even if Aran didn't think she liked them maybe she should give them a chance. Amerie had only thought Luka was cute at first, but now she really liked him. But even if Aran didn't like them like that, she shouldn't just stop being their friend.

"You at least like them as a friend, right? Then why would you stop talking to them?"

"Uh, no," Aran replied, shaking her head again. She had to admit, she was a little relieved at Amerie's confusion about why she would stop talking to someone if they had one-sided feelings for her. That was a good sign. "Other way around. There's someone I like."

Aran liked somebody? That made Amerie really happy! Maybe that was why Aran hadn't been coming to spend time with Amerie while she was in her office--she was spending time with whoever she liked.

"Why don't you think she likes you back?" Amerie asked.

"Uh, well this girl happens to like men," Aran explained. If Amerie was a little less naive she probably would have realized that she was the only girl Aran ever hung out with, and Aran was clearly talking about her. Amerie seemed as oblivious as always, though. "She even has a boyfriend."

"Ohhhh," Amerie said knowingly. That was too bad. She thought about how much it would suck if someone she liked had turned out to be gay. Not that she had ever really been interested in anyone before Luka. But still. She could imagine how it would feel.

She frowned. "I'm sorry, Aran."

Anyone would be lucky to be with Aran, Amerie thought. She was such a good clio and was so smart and strong. "Are you afraid to tell her, then?" she asked.

"Don't be sorry, I can deal with it," Aran said, waving her hand. And she could deal with it, to an extent. Having this crush sucked, but Aran was determined to not let it affect their friendship. Based on Amerie's answers, it didn't seem like she would let it, either. "And yeah...yeah, I'm nervous bout tellin' her. Do you think I should? Or just not say nothing till it goes away?"

She felt her feet connect with the sandy bottom of the lake and started walking instead of swimming. She decided that whatever Amerie answered was what she would do. Tell her or not tell her.

"Well," said Amerie, still paddling because she was much shorter than Aran, "I guess that depends." On one hand it was always good to get things out in the open, but on the other she could understand that it would probably be embarrassing.

"Like, do you think it will make her uncomfortable?" Amerie thought about if she were in the position. If Aran had a crush on her, how would she feel? It would probably be a little weird, but only because she wouldn't want to hurt Aran's feelings. "But at the same time, sometimes it's best to just put it out there." It was a hard decision. Amerie was glad she didn't have to make it.

She finally felt her toes touch sand and was able to walk. "Ahh--now the air feels cold!" she said.

Ugh. Not even Amerie could give her a definite, yes or no answer. But she did seem to lean towards yes, with her "best to put it all out there" answer. And maybe she was right about that. Maybe if Aran put it all out there, they could work through it together in a way that kept their friendship the way it was and let Aran just move the fuck on.

Fuck it. She was doin' it. She had nothing to lose. Either way she wasn't gonna end up dating Amerie, and as long as Amerie had been telling the truth this whole time it wasn't gonna ruin what they did have. Keeping it secret wasn't getting her anywhere.

"It's you," she said at the exact same time that Amerie exclaimed:

Amerie wrote:"Ahh--now the air feels cold!"

"What?" Amerie asked, reaching up and rubbing her arms vigorously. She couldn't wait to go get her towel to dry off with. It had been laying in the sun and would be all warm and toasty. And there was even lunch for them! Amerie had almost forgotten.

She waited for Aran to repeat whatever she hadn't heard.

Oh for fuck's sake. "I said it's you," Aran repeated, a little louder this time. She braced herself.

"Wait, you mean the girl you like?" Amerie asked stupidly. Then she paused, finally making the connections Aran had been hinting at all afternoon.

Yes, Amerie, Caviar said. I think she means the girl she has had a crush on is you.

Oh. Oh. Well.

"Me?" Amerie asked. She was stunned. How could Aran like her, of all clio? Aran was so awesome--so smart and funny and strong. And Amerie was all weak and slow. And Aran was right...Amerie did like boys. Not that she didn't like Aran, it just...it couldn't be that same way.

Amerie was sure Aran knew this, which was why she'd been so concerned about saying anything, but it still made her feel bad. She felt her face start to burn with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," Amerie said, not sure what else to say. She hated that things had gotten so weird in the last ten seconds, but she didn't know what to do. She was panicking. Aran had already laid it all out. Amerie liked boys and she had a boyfriend. Aran had also said she didn't want things to be weird. Which Amerie agreed with. But she couldn't help stand there awkwardly, not sure of what to say next.

"I just..."

She'd known it was coming, but fuck, it still stung.

Aran put her hand on Amerie's shoulder and looked her right in the eyes. "Don't be sorry," she said firmly. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

She let her go and sighed. This just fucking sucked. But in a way...it almost did feel better to get it out, even if she did get rejected. It wasn't gnawing at her consciousness anymore, and now that she'd gotten the final proof that Amerie didn't feel the same way, she could start moving on.

"I'll get over it, y'know?" she assured Amerie. "It's not a big deal."

It did suck. Big time. Logically, Amerie knew it wasn't her fault that she wasn't attracted to Aran. But she also, never in a million years, wanted to hurt Aran in any way. And she was doing that right now, just by kinda existing.

"I know," she said, biting her lip and looking at the ground. Amerie's usual response to being overwhelmed and feeling panicky was to get upset and cry, but she wasn't gonna do that here. The real problem was that Amerie didn't have anything to compare this to. Before Aran, she had never had a friend. She'd also never had confidence or general happiness, either.

She shivered a little bit. In the conversation, she'd forgotten that she was cold. Should she suggest walking to their stuff? Did Aran want to talk about this? Did Amerie want to talk about this? Why had things gotten so overwhelming and awkward?