i miss jerk hadley :: hadley

Today was the day Hadley was finally coming home from the hospital. He'd been there for a week as the doctors monitored his poor damaged brain. As expected, he still hadn't regained his eyesight, but besides that the doctors had declared him stable and ready to be discharged.

Remy didn't agree. Stable he may be, but Hadley had lost more than his eyesight during his stay at the hospital. For example, when Remy had told Hadley that he was looking better (something she only did because he actually looked horrible), he didn't bother responding or making some comment to put Remy on edge. After their first day at the hospital, where Hadley had actually managed to crack a few jokes and pick on her, he had become this sullen lump that only looked like her old best friend. Something had happened, but he refused to tell her what. Except it wasn't even a real refusal. It was a type of disinterest that made Remy worry about his sanity.

Still, here she was, wheeling Hadley into the estate built into the side of the volcano.

"We're home!" she said with more enthusiasm than she actually felt.

After being thoroughly humiliated by Kole a couple days ago in the hospital, Hadley had been left with nothing to do but stew in his own anger. He was angry at the man who beat him, angry at Kole, who had hired the attacker, but most of all he was angry at himself. It was one thing to lose his sight forever. It was another to realize it was his own fucking fault.

This didn't have to happen. It didn't have to happen. If he hadn't been so fucking reckless and arrogant, if he hadn't gone to that nightclub and talked to Kole out of fucking boredom, he would still be able to see.

Ever since this revelation, Hadley had just sort of shut down. He couldn't even bring himself to tease Remy anymore. He just didn't have it in him.

On top of all that, he was leaving the hospital. He originally thought he would be happy to leave and go home, where at least he could do more than lay in a bed and talk to doctors. But the second he was out that door and felt the sun hit his face, he was also hit by the realization that this was one hundred percent real. He could avoid the reality of it in an unfamiliar place like a hospital room. But going outside, going home, was like hearing the prognosis all over again.

He didn't let Remy know that. When she announced their arrival, he didn't react beyond an unenthusiastic "Oh, good." He started to get up out of that goddamn wheelchair, feeling stiff and sore all over. He was sick of not moving. Laying in a bed for a week had taken it's toll. Or maybe it was just having the shit beat out of him. Either way, walking was still an effort.

Remy watched as Hadley lifted himself from the wheel chair. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked warily as he steadied himself. The doctors had told him he shouldn't be standing much for the first few days. She'd prepared herself for him wanting her to wait on him hand and foot, pushing him around everywhere.

"I can go get some ice for you...?" The look on his face told her he was in pain.

Ice? Hadley would appreciate it a lot more if she could go get some drugs for him. Another downside to leaving the hospital was that he didn't have that lovely IV dripping happy medicine into his veins anymore. He hesitantly stuck his hand out until he felt a wall, and leaned against it. "I'm fine," he lied, grimacing. His legs were shaking. "Fuck...okay, no I'm not...I need to lay down."

They were right by the front entrance, so the living room was straight ahead, right? He had lived in this house for almost five years, why was he so unsure?

It is ahead, Nila offered. The doorway is just to the left, though.

Okay then, Hadley thought, leaving the safety of the wall to start that way.

She watched as he tried to walk in a straight line, presumably to the living room. If it wasn't so heartbreaking it would have been humorous, how he drifted slowly to the left, his hands held out slightly to protect him from walking into anything. He looked like a blindfolded child playing a party game.

"Hadley, just sit down," Remy finally said, her voice a mixture of pity and irritation. She wheeled the chair up behind him. "The doctor said you'd be feeling a lot better in a few days. Until then, couldn't you just take it easy?"

She paused. "I'm worried about you," she baited.

She watched as he tried to walk in a straight line, presumably to the living room. If it wasn't so heartbreaking it would have been humorous, how he drifted slowly to the left, his hands held out slightly to protect him from walking into anything. He looked like a blindfolded child playing a party game.

"Hadley, just sit down," Remy finally said, her voice a mixture of pity and irritation. She wheeled the chair up behind him. "The doctor said you'd be feeling a lot better in a few days. Until then, couldn't you just take it easy?"

She paused. "I'm worried about you," she baited.

Hadley stopped, his hands dropping back down to his sides. He could hear both the pity and irritation in Remy's voice, and it was the former that really got to him. He had expected that things would be difficult. He had expected needing help to do a lot of things. He hadn't expected Remy to sound pained at the apparent sight of him doing something as simple trying to walk to his living room.

"Fine," he said in a slightly shaky voice. Wouldn't it just be the fucking icing on the humiliation cake if he started crying in front of Remy, too? That was at least one thing he wasn't going to let happen. He had to salvage some minuscule amount of pride, here.

He felt for the armrests of the wheelchair and slowly lowered himself into it, when suddenly Remy blurted out that she was worried about him. "Why? You just said it yourself. The doctor said I'll be feeling better in a few days," he said, playing ignorant. He knew she wasn't talking about his physical well-being.

Remy swallowed, opting not to respond. She pushed him slowly into the living room, their daemons following close behind.

"I scheduled your first out-patient therapy appoint for Friday," she told him as she wheeled the chair next to his favorite recliner. "I think they mentioned something about you and Nila practicing together." She looked down and the raccoon and offered a small half-smile.

Wow. Hadley didn't think it would be that easy to avoid the question. He thought Remy would keep pestering him about how he was feeling or whatever until he finally answered her. He didn't move from the chair when they came to a stop, not wanting to get up and repeat what had just happened in the front hallway.

"Great," he replied, with the slightest hint of bitterness. "I get to re-learn how to do all the things I already knew how to do. Sounds fun."

Hadley, she's trying to be helpful, Nila said quietly. He ignored her, so she just gave Remy an apologetic raccoon look.

"Well, when you're done feeling sorry for yourself, I'll go pick up something for dinner," said Remy, who was a little miffed at Hadley's behavior towards her. She'd given most of the Earalas help the day off, knowing he would be in a bad mood and not wanting anyone to get in the crossfire.

It broke her heart, seeing Hadley like this. But she knew he was embarrassed, and her pitying him didn't help that. She bit her lip. It was hard to decide how to act, but at least he couldn't read her facial expressions now to see to her true feelings.

"You're leaving then?" he asked, sounding as if he didn't care but was just curious instead. In reality he didn't want her to go anywhere and leave him alone, but he didn't want to admit that to her. "Why? I mean, don't we have stuff here?"

It was strange, he had always prided himself on not being one to care what people thought of him, and that included Remy. But it was turning out that that wasn't entirely true. It was more that he didn't care if people thought he was an idiot or an asshole. He did care if people thought he was pathetic and helpless. Which they were going to.

"Well I'm not going to cook," Remy said as if he'd asked the stupidest question in the world. Remy didn't cook. She'd finished house work long ago when Hadley had hired her on as an adviser. "So unless you have a trick up your sleeve you haven't told me about yet, it's lookin' like I'm going to pick up a pizza."

Was Remy mistaken, or did Hadley look nervous? Was he afraid of being alone? "I can have Jenner come in and keep you company," she told him, trying to keep the pity out of her voice. She'd dismissed all but the security guards that covered the Earalas grounds.

"No, that's okay," Hadley said instantly. Even if he was willing to admit he didn't want to be alone, he didn't want anyone who wasn't Remy around to see him right now. He didn't even know who the fuck Jenner was. Remy somehow knew everyone's names who worked at the house, and there were many of them. "Go ahead."

At least he had Nila.

Remy sighed. "You can't just hide in here forever," she said as she walked away, into the kitchen. She grabbed some ice out of their ice box and wrapped it in a hand towel. Hadley might be too proud to admit he needed it, but maybe he'd use it while she was gone.

She walked back into the living room. "Got ya something," she told him, setting the ice on the small coffee table in front of him."

Then she rushed out to get pizza.

"What is it?" Hadley asked. Remy didn't answer.

She left, Nila said. And I think it's just some ice.

Hadley sighed miserably. Well, at least with Remy gone he could attempt to get around without embarrassing himself in front of her. He forced himself up and hesitantly made his way to the couch with Nila's help. Finally laying down was a huge relief, easing some of his pain. Nila grabbed the ice pack with her little raccoon paws and brought it over to him. It helped too, a little.

What now? He guessed he could try to sleep, for lack of anything else to do. Unfortunately he was just too upset to fall asleep, so all he could do was lay there and wait for Remy to get back.

Remy returned a half hour later, pizza in hand. It was bacon topped, Hadley's favorite, even though Remy would rather have had margherita pizza. Oh the things she did for her blind boss.

"Hadley," Remy called through the house in a sing-song when she came home. "I bring gifts! The gifts being pizza and cheesey bread, of course, so don't get too excited."

She carried the food into the living room and was happy to see Hadley on the couch. She wondered how much effort it had taken him to get over there. "Taking a nap?"

It felt like forever before Remy finally returned with her food. She sounded pretty damn happy about this pizza.

"Taking a nap?"

"No," Hadley replied, rolling from his side to his back and sitting up very slightly. The makeshift ice pack had since melted and was now just a wet towel that he had tossed across the room carelessly. "Tried to."

Remy presumably handed him a piece of pizza. He was going to ask what was on it, but he was pretty sure he knew from the smell. She had gotten his favorite, because of course she had.

You should prooooobably say thanks, Nila suggested.

"...Thanks, Rem," he said quietly. Though Nila had just meant he should thank her for the food, he really meant it for everything. She was doing a lot for him and he hadn't exactly been making it rewarding for her.

Remy half smiled. "Not a problem," she told him. She grabbed a slice of her own and sat next to him on the couch.

They ate their pizza in an awkward semi-silence before Remy had to leave to do some job-like stuff, leaving Hadley alone to wish he was not blind.